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Law

THE HOLY BYLAWS

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Bylaw 1- "The Reason"

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What was and shall be the primary reason for creating this league was to have a guaranteed, annual, no questions asked by spouses, kids, partners, and/or any human being trip to Las Vegas. All drafts are here-forth set in Las Vegas. The reigning champion shall be awarded a prize purse and dictate the finite draft details for the next year i.e., time, location (within Las Vegas borders), attire, drinking rules/selection etc.  IF YOU DON’T LIKE VEGAS, DRINKING, GAMBLING, DEGENERACY, 24/7 FREEDOM, AND/OR ACTING LIKE A MANCHILD WITH A GROUP OF BROS DON’T BE A PART OF THIS LEAGUE.

 

  • Annual dues will be determined during the prior year’s draft in Las Vegas and collected by commissioner(s) no later than February 1st prior to the upcoming season to secure a league spot for the upcoming year. NO EXCEPTIONS, NO I.O.U’s.

  • Any cancellations must be submitted in writing posted on the league LINE app group chat for ridicule.

  • Dues are to be returned only under circumstances of financial hardship.

 

 

Bylaw 2- "Online drafts are asinine"

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Annual drafts are MANDATORY physical attendance for both conferences (GOATS & RUDYS) unless approved by both Commissioners with consideration for absence ONLY under the following acceptable conditions.

 

  • You are incarcerated. A proxy will be allowed but must be physically present at the draft. Felonies will warrant your dismissal from the league with no refunds.

  • Family matters of serious nature i.e., children’s health, immediate family medical conditions, milestone events of children and/or spouse/partner.

  • You are in a medically diagnosed coma where therein you are allowed a pre-approved proxy to run your draft who IS required to be physically present. Significant others and minors are not allowed.

 

*** Any and all absences not sanctioned will immediately terminate manager from the league and/or forfeiture of monies given prior to the draft which will be used for liquid consumption by the entire league. ***

 

Bylaw 3- "Bromance"

 

(3.1) Thou shalt create bonds with thy fellow man. You may not know everyone but by the end of an epic draft and a full season you can have a new group of men to call “bros” covered by “bro code” to discuss any and all subjects of humor, topics, or real-life events. Managers are REQUIRED to have made “REASONABLE” efforts and attempts to shame members of the league throughout the year and more specifically weekly opponents with verbal ridicule, insinuating photos, gifs, memes of comical debauchery, and constant reminders of waiver errors, draft decisions, and 0.6 losses. If your skills need improvement, watch all seasons of “The League” prior to the season starting.

 

(3.2) Managers are expected to be involved with weekly group chatter on a minimal level to show desire of participation and also monitor their awareness of league drama.  Stirring the pot is encouraged, statements of “What did I miss?” is not.  Minimal level shall constitute as defined by ManChild interpretation as follows: 

  • Voting on all LINE app polls within the FF calendar week regarding league majority, event attendance, and/or any league pertinent matter.

  • Participatory submissions include one or more of the following

    • One documented text of more than 10 characters in (US) English, gif, meme, or shared link within the FF calendar week

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*** Co-Managed teams shall share the responsibility and as such, as long as one half of the co-managed team follows the terms and conditions, it will be deemed sufficient having met said obligations. ***

 

Bylaw 4 - "It's only money"

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A ManChild holds the value of League Champion Title over money. A ManChild cares only for the opportunity of a much-needed excuse or scheduled opportunity to bond with his fellow man. If the league deems you are only an opportunistic greedy money whore and have zero cohesion with the league you will be subsequently disinvited the following year.

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Bylaw 5 - "Hall Pass"

 

If you opt out of the league for financial or personal hardships for one season, you will have a waiting list priority for one calendar year if there is an opening the following year in the RUDY CONFERENCE regardless of your last year's final ranking. No grandfathering is applicable if you were in the GOAT CONFERENCE in the year prior.  Transitioning to a co-managed team will only be allowed with an unanimous vote by the league.

 

Bylaw 6 - "Don't be no bitch" 

 

(6.1) Thou shall not be a fantasy bitch. It is expected and encouraged to relish in every moral, mental, and scoreboard victory with no censorship or cap in any forum used to celebrate. On the same note, managers are expected to take defeats, penalties, and shit talking like a man. Whining, excuses, and tantrums will consequently get your team renamed IMA MAN-GINA for the remainder of the year OR for the entirety of the next season if the infraction occurs during playoffs. Under no circumstances shall a member of this league take part in any form of rage quitting, message board silence or abandonment of participation.

 

(6.2) No manner of bitching or opinion shall be submitted too or conducted with the Commissioners through private means unless the content contains subject matter benefiting the league as a whole. No statements generalizing league opinions can be made unless supported by a poll and voted on by managers. All potential complainers have the right to call for a vote at any time but are also subject to all rants being posted publicly for the amusement of all and said complainer shall take all ball busting with the conditions of Section 6.1 being applicable pertaining to penalties for subsequent bylaw breakage and or rage quitting.  Welcome to the ThunderDome bitches.

 

Bylaw 7 - "This is not an AA meeting"

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Intoxication is expected, encouraged, and a pivotal backbone to the league itself. AA to us means “Another? Absolutely!”  No transaction, draft pick, bad decision, conversation, rant or photo evidence will be censored, reversed or forgotten because you can't handle your drink(s) and/or illegal substance. This is forever known as "The Toby Gerhart" & "Reggie Bush in the 1st Round" and “BFF campaign 2023”.

 

Bylaw 8 - "It's my world"

 

Thou shall only bring football and your inner man to the draft and league sponsored football venues. Any and all attempts to inform and/or include prying wives, family members, and curious children into a fantasy season/setting is neither healthy or safe for the individual or the collective group.  While we support each other's home lives, it doesn't exist in the ManChild world of fantasy football.  Jealousy is to be expected, questions will be asked, ultimatums will be thrown down.  Just remember… you god damn deserve this league and the returns are worth it.

 

Bylaw 9 – “Big Brother”

 

ManChild is an organic entity with the ability to evolve and grow and as such, will have the need to remove toxic viral entities, expect loss of parts, and maintain an ability to absorb new material.  In the case of loss or replacement, new members shall be sponsored by only an existing manager who has completed one full season.  Said sponsor shall evaluate and confirm that the required ManChild prerequisites and characteristics are present and consistent to enhance the world of ManChild and its longevity.  Sponsors shall be subject to dual accountability of new members' failures and successes.  Sponsors shall also be responsible for communication of any shortcomings and/or violations of Holy Bylaws and partake in the penalties forthwith.

 

Bylaw 10 – “Sucks to Suck”

 

No one remembers the losers… except in our world.  We won’t just remember; we will sear it into the mind.  Don’t like relegation and shame?  Then stop sucking and get better.  Managers shall make all humanly efforts until season completion to avoid obtaining The Jobu trophy.  In the case of being awarded The Jobu, managers are EXPECTED to man up and embrace the role with the same commitment and bravado as if it were the C-Cup. Responsibilities and guidelines are as follows: 

 

  • The Jobu holder is required to attend to and service all non-sexual needs (unless there is documented legal consent) of the reigning champion at the live draft including but not limited to; cocktail service, food service, and clerical duties i.e. sticker placement. 

  • The current champion solely holds the right to hold The Jobu holder to all/some/none of these duties.

  • Reigning champion also retains the prerogative and control of the following:

    • Draft attire of The Jobu holder.

    • Team name of The Jobu holder for the entirety of the season. Multiple changes throughout the season are permissible.

    • Subjugating The Jobu holder to match his drink/shot for drink/shot during the draft.

    • Enforcement of a shame penalty that must be carried out within the draft dates in Las Vegas.  This is also limited to events or actions that exclude permanent body scarring i.e. tattoos, incarceration, social media harassment, and/or separation from a significant other

  • During the entirety of the FF season through Week 17, The Jobu holder is required to submit via LINE app to league group chat on a weekly basis but not limited too; (1) photo/video in a public non-residential environment showing both trophy and owner amidst visible surrounding patrons.  Humor is encouraged, male nudity is not.

 

VIOLATIONS AND PENALTIES BREAKAGE OF THE HOLY BYLAWS

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Bylaw 1 – Dues Violation.  

 

As grown men who have to pay bills on time and should know how to budget, Jesus fucking Christ.. save $40 a month and have that shit ready.  Buy some cheaper toilet paper or cut back on the 30 pack a day.
 

  • Late by 1 week = Commish Choice Shot and/or Chug before Round 1.

  • Late by 2 weeks = Commish Choice Double Shot and/or Chug before Round 1

  • Late by 3 weeks = Above PLUS you buy the League a round of their choice at the league meeting.

  • Late by 4 weeks = Above PLUS an additional round, PLUS league spanking or whatever perversion Manny deems fitting.

  • Late by more than 5 weeks = You buy the League dinner at a location of majority vote 

 
Bylaw 2 – Absent from Draft under acceptable terms (which really there shouldn’t be).
 

  • In order to miss the draft and retain your team you must provide the following:

  • A detailed and humbling written explanation and request for our mercy on the LINE app.

  • Approval to miss, subject 1) to Commish approval AND 2) league majority vote.

  • Provide a proxy, chosen by the Commish, AT YOUR EXPENSE (cost not to exceed $300)

  • Provide a bottle of alcohol for the draft, chosen by the Commish, AT YOUR EXPENSE (cost not to exceed $100)

  • You may not violate Bylaw 2 for two consecutive years, or more than twice in 5 years.


Bylaw 3 - Failure to Socially Participate (Line app MIA, not voting in League polls, etc., in season). 
 
Conversation stirs the pot maintains cohesion and keeps it fun and I’m tired of only Blas and his dick pics.  If you take a shit, you have time to check what’s going on. Short of having a flip phone, all of you fuckers are looking at your smart phones daily.  Everyone here is a master of shit talking and useless knowledge.  Bring the A game.
 

  • First offense: Loss of waiver pick the following week.

  • Multiple offenses: Deduction of 5 pts compounded for every week of violation until the end of the regular season.

 
Bylaw 4 – DFS and bookies exist for a reason or be a male gigolo 

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ROI.  Live by it.  Just define what you deem a return is.  Unless you're Cory, ManChild will be an investment without cash returns.  If you see value in lifetime memories or enjoy membership into exclusive social clubs then you shouldn’t ever have an issue here. 

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  • Each offense: $25 deduction from season winnings to be added to the league fund for the next year's draft

 
Bylaw 6 (6.1) – Bert and Ryan are gone but just in case one of you feels like replacing them.
 

  • 1st offense: unrelenting ridicule, most likely to exacerbate the situation

  • 2nd offense: roster control is given to the last place team for the week the infraction took place.

  • 3rd offense: loss of ManChild invitation

 
Bylaw 6 (6.2) – You can be a bitch at home, we don’t need one here.  
 

  • 1st Violation: team renamed “IMA MAN-GINA” for the remainder of the year. 

  • Continued Violations: Commish will give you a reason to bitch with a constant fuckery of your roster and or verbal taunting until you cry like the bitch you’re being.

  • If you rage quit postseason, you are permanently banned unless re-invited at the discretion of the commish.  If you rage quit mid-season, app control shall move to your weekly opponent.  Players are locked, no add/drops, no trades, and valid rosters must be submitted.  In the case of too many dead players to submit a valid starting roster, Commish will add best available to the roster for lineup submission.

  
Bylaw 7 – If you choose sobriety, you choose wrong.  

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It should not be a question of “Do you want a drink?”, rather “What can I get you?”. Shots straight from a soda lid, flask, or bottle are heavily encouraged.
 

  • 1st Violation: “RedBullRape”

  • 2nd Violation: Above plus the most rapey prison-esque member gets you in a closet for 5 minutes (4 minutes and 55 seconds too long for any human to endure).

  • Continued Violations: 5 second countdowns sucking on the closest liquid to you. (And I mean any liquid)

 
 
Bylaw 8 – Control your people

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If a member’s spouse, partner, significant other, sidepiece, or non league family member shows up at the draft, is visually spotted on Facetime, and/or is in the Las Vegas greater area without prior notice, league votes on waiver loss up to an 8-week period depending on the severity of the infraction, influence on yourselves, or on the debauchery of current or future drafts.
 

  • 1st Violation: Commish Choice Double Shot and/or Chug

  • 2nd Violation: Above plus you buy the league a post draft round.

  • 3rd Violation: above PLUS, de-masculating and heartfelt apology video, stipulations at Commish discretion, submitted to the LINE app


Bylaw 9 – Casting 

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Your local bartender or random stranger you met while piss drunk at a seedy dive bar does not constitute a viable or high percentage keeper.  Stop bringing in the wood.  

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  • First Fail: One year ban 

  • Multiple Fails:  Your original sponsor shall hold the sole ability to restore your privileges and shall be your FF probation officer.

 

Bylaw 10 – “Sucks to Suck”


The Jobu's attempts to change the name without permission from the Champ will be subject to roster lockout for one week).
Failure to submit required media before Thursday kickoff of said week, results in a 5pt deduction to the weekly game total and compounds for every week of non-submission even if the weeks are non-consecutive.  If submissions receive a 100% vote from league of noncompliance to terms, media must be resubmitted by the same deadline.

 

SEASON NEGLIGENCE

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Failure to Manage (set valid line up, move player to IR or off IR, etc., collusion, etc.):

  • 1st offense: loss of waiver picks the following week

  • 2nd offense: 10 pt deduction from your weeks score

  • 3rd offense: roster control goes to the current last place team.

  • If you are a GOAT in the active season and incur a violation of roster neglect in the playoffs, subsequently creating a win/loss scenario of shameful proportions, the league shall vote on your conference assignment for the following year.

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DRAFT DAY MISSTEPS AND FUCK UPS

  • Sticker penalties: Shot or Chug

    • Bad placement

    • Damages: spills, tears, bodily fluid, etc.

    • Wrong Sticker, corrections must be approved by league vote (majority rules, commish tie-break)

  • Late for pick (from break, napping through a pick, taking too long to make pick, etc.)

    • You get first player available in the Kicker position PLUS Commish choice of shot and/or chug upon return.

  • Drafting a player already selected

    • 1st offense: Commish Choice shot and/or chug

    • 2nd offense: Commish Choice Double shot and/or chug

    • 3rd offense: You buy the League a round

    • 4th offense: You buy another round PLUS League spanking or whatever the hell Manny does to you.

    • 5th offense: You buy the League dinner

  • Giving another member an STD 

    • That's a sufficient penalty for both of you.

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